Every time someone I know announces a pregnancy or welcomes a new baby, I feel a wave of emotions. I’m genuinely happy for them—truly, I am. But alongside the happiness, there’s an ache in my heart, a quiet voice that whispers, “Why not me?” It’s not envy; it’s not bitterness. It’s simply the longing of someone who wants the same joy for herself.
The Complexity of Joy and Longing
It’s a delicate balance—feeling joy for others while wrestling with your own unmet desires. These feelings aren’t about them; they’re about me. I start questioning, “Why hasn’t it happened yet? Why is it taking so long? Is my body failing me?” And even though I trust in God’s timing, the waiting can feel unbearable.
Rejecting Self-Blame
One thing I’ve learned on this journey is not to blame myself for feeling this way. Wanting something so deeply can stir emotions that are hard to control. I remind myself that my feelings don’t make me a bad person—they make me human.
Giving Myself Grace
I’ve been working on showing myself the same compassion I extend to others. When those feelings of self-pity creep in, I don’t push them away or judge myself. Instead, I acknowledge them and try to channel them into hope and faith for the future.
If you’re feeling this way too, I want you to know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel these emotions. It’s okay to hope, to hurt, and to long for your turn. And it’s okay to give yourself grace in the process.